Is your router deathly cold to the touch? Have your uplink cables all turned black? Do Cisco engineers refuse to be in the same room with your router? If any of these peculiar situations sound familiar, you may have a haunted router.
Demons, poltergeists, evil spirits and succubi have all been known to occasionally possess networking equipment in order to carry out their devilish deeds. It’s important to recognize the difference between common networking issues and these more demonic problems.
To help determine if an exorcist is needed to cleanse your equipment of evil and restore normal operation, Summit has compiled a list of the top ten signs your router is haunted.
#1 – Blood Oozes From Uplink Ports
Haunted routers can sometimes leak the blood of past network admins from ports.
#2 – It Can’t Be Turned Off
Many possessed networking devices draw power from a dark source and need no electricity.
#3 – All Packets Are Routed To 0.6.6.6
Routers under total control of evil forces have no power over where data is sent.
#4 – Your MAC Address Table Contains Codes To Open A Gateway To The Underworld
Legends say some evil routers display secret codes in their MAC address tables that can be used in dark rituals.
#5 – The MENU Command Outputs The Necronomicon
Hidden in many haunted devices are powerfully evil manuscripts.
#6 – The Cooling Fans Sound Like Tortured Souls Moaning
Listen closely to an evil router and you may hear the voices of damned souls that failed the CCNA exam multiple times.
#7 – Anyone Attempting To Update IOS Is Melted
Be wary of even approaching a possessed router. Config updates are best left to professional network exorcists.
#8 – Demons Are Connecting to the Wireless Controller
Devious spirits may continually connect and disconnect from the WIFI network, using all connections and preventing other users from accessing wireless networks.
#9 – A Drop Of Holy Water Boils When Contacting The Case
Haunted routers often react violently with holy materials.
#10 – Anyone Making A VOIP Call Speaks In Tongues
Possessed routers sometimes translate VOIP speech into demonic languages in real time.
If you experience any network gear haunting this Halloween season, please stay calm, safe, and contact a Summit sales rep to arrange replacements for your evil equipment. Please note, Summit Global Care does not cover the cost of router exorcisms.
